“Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child”…I Shouldn’t Have To…

There are so many sayings that accompanies children’s behavior: “Oh, it’s that age,” “Terrible Threes,” “She/he gets it from school/friends,” and “I didn’t act that way.” Then there’s the cause of these sayings: “Why can’t I have it?,” “But so and so has one!,” “I want one just like hers/his!,” and “I WANT…!” I’ve heard almost all of these from my children and said at least one. I am at a point that I don’t know what to do any more in trying to bring up my children to be loving, thankful, respectful and happy children. Yes they can be, but I want them to desire to be this way. Not just to get something in return.

I have a 7 and 3 year old, soon to be 8 and 4 (back to back, and no we did not plan this). Their birthdays are in December. It usually takes us until March of the following year to get them to stop thinking it’s their birthday and Christmas and why they are not getting gifts anymore! My 7 year old is in second grade and my 3 year old is in preschool. We’ve really hit the age appropriate “stages” with our oldest than with our youngest. She didn’t have “terrible twos,” she had “the F’ing threes!” She reverted back to baby talk when her sister was born and went through the jealousy stage of having a baby sibling that was receiving most of the attention that she use to get. AND, she was the first grandchild on both sides! This entry is ALL about my oldest! It’s all about her (as she thinks everything is).

Every since school has started this year, my child has changed, and not for the better. It’s to the point that I am wondering where I went wrong! I’ve had moments of shamefulness, headaches, heartaches, and been completely dumbfounded by her behavior. Even as I type this blog I’m constantly shaking my head and rubbing my forehead! I’m the type of person that will not accept the “it’s the age” reasoning. I don’t care how old she is , we did not and are not raising her this way. The only phrase that comes to my mind is “attitude of entitlement.” Where does this come from? I asked my husband this last night and his answer was “She gets it from school.” Which means friends and basically society. It’s always the easy way out.

I’m so tired of hearing my daughter ask, “Why can’t I have…?” Even when I give her the logically and truthful answer, that does not stop her. I am stubborn myself, but this is ridicules. Quick scenario: We just finished having the girls pictures take and we are on our way home. My oldest had suggested that we go to the store so that all of us can buy something because we haven’t don’t that in a while. We’ve NEVER done that. We’ve gone to Target at times when we’ve all picked out something, but it something that we need; toothpaste and brushes, soap, and occasionally coffee if it’s on sale. I calmly told her no. You know what came next, “Why not?” I explained to her that we don’t need anything and that we don’t go out to just buy something. Besides that point, they had their birthdays coming up and they are having parties. Plus they will get gifts from some friends/family. “But, that’s SO far away!” I will skip the comments I gave her at this point. I finally told her that she could choose, a toy now or her party, plain and simple! Our youngest shouted that she wanted her party! Our oldest sat and pouted and squeezed out a few tears! We didn’t engage her at this point.

You would have thought this would have been the end of it! WRONG! We were coming up to an area she actual knows on the highway, where the shopping mall is! To my surprise she started to calming tell me that she knows that Toys-R-Us is coming up! I take a deep breathe, try to stay calm, and stop rubbing my forehead. I just say, “Yes.” Then she proceeded to tell us that she knows where the items are that goes to her toy airplane that she recently received, and that she needs 7 more little people and accessories for her plane. Again, I just said, “huh.” Then my smiling husband said “And what is your point?” “Can’t we go and buy them.” He found this very funny and laughed, I did not share any humor in this. I gave her that choice one more time, toy or party. There was complaining, pouting and yelling at this point, from me!

Nothing is ever enough! This is how I feel. I also feel that “I never acted this way!” I remember wanted a pair of Levi jeans and my dad saying no because they were too expensive. He gave the answer and that was it! I knew not to beg or complain. Besides knowing better, I’d probably would have been yelled at and possible received a spanking if I went on too much about it. I shouldn’t have to do this! As generations come and go, we should learn from them and not retreat to old ways. I feel that most of generation x, my generation, generally respected our parents, did what we were told, most of the time, and knew if we didn’t there were consequences. It was being grounded or being hit.

Parents in the current generation are told it is wrong to hit and we need to use strategy and our words to get through to our children. I don’t want to revert to hitting! I didn’t like it and it shouldn’t be a necessity. I use my words, a lot. They are not always in a calm, Mr. Rogers’ tone but when it calls for it, it’s yelling. I get their attention and they know I mean business! Again, I DON’T want to yell. I’ve been to parenting classes and have picked up great tips, but realistically, these do not always work! I want my daughters to understand that we don’t need “stuff.” This is not what brings happiness (you’ve all heard it). The amount of stuff that someone gives you does not mean they love you most or that you should love them the most! I just need the greediness, self-centered, and entailment attitude to stop. I did not raise my girls this way. I was not raised this way.