Behind the Scenes

I feel like I’m Debbie Reyonlds in Singing in the Rain, singing behind the curtain while someone else gets the credit. I can’t seem to find that gap between to break out and no one is pulling back these curtains for me! So many people have the opportunity to pull these strings and reveal “who’s “behind the scenes, but rather keep things for themselves, too lazy to say anything, or even just step aside. Inequality has been all over the pace in today’s world, yesterday’s world, and way back when! I do feel that we are making progress, but fear things will never be “equal.” This is not just between men and women either. I’ve experienced it myself in my career, at home, at school and even on the field!
I’ve worked in the banking industry, construction industry and in general behind the scene accounting/bookkeeping industry. I once tried to purchase a steel company that I worked for over 7 years and was treated unfairly. With the financial downfall we experienced at the of 2008, I was the only “office” person kept because I did the books! I was needed! Because I was needed, special circumstances where made for me to stay. I’m not sure if the boss thought I wasn’t going to return after I had my first child, but he made sure I was able to bring her to work with me to make sure I came in. I did it because it saved LOTS of money! I wanted to make more money and he said I didn’t have a degree, a BA, so I couldn’t seek it. Yet another person who was hired after me, had a BA in something that had nothing to do with his job, and he was given more money. The loop hole here was that I said since he is requiring me to get a BA, he needed to give me further education financing. Which he did. I received my BA in Sociology, which had nothing to do with my current position, and received more money.
Then my boss wanted to retire but didn’t want his company to close. So, since I was hard working and interested in purchasing, he filled my head with all the possibilities of acquiring the company. Because I was a woman, I could get special financing, be higher in my bids due to being a double minority, AND because I was going to bring my father with me. Needless to say, the bank wouldn’t finance the loan because they felt the construction industry wasn’t back in its feet yet. It was back to work as normal.
Then he brought his favorite field employee into the office to help him. He gave him a raise, and realized he needed to give me one to be “fair.” I’m not saying I didn’t deserve it, I was the jack of all trades there, but he wasn’t giving it to me because he felt I deserved it. He gave it me because he felt he had to! Then he gave this employee another raise, within about 6 months. Did he do anything special to deserve it, no, but he was trying to buy a house for himself and his family, so he needed the extra money. Yes, I also got another raise. This employee didn’t have a degree! He didn’t do more work than I did! He didn’t work from home when needed! But he did get the money. We ended up reaching the threshold of salaries at the company, together. Then, I had my second child. Just like the first one, I had my computer with me at the hospital to make sure everything was done. I showed up at the end of January with a newborn to make sure W-2s went out on time and all other tax important reports where done. Then I received the silent treatment after all of this was done. After 8 years of service, I received a three-sentence letter indicating that I no longer had a job even though I was still on maternity leave. After removing the knife, I sued, and he settled out of court. I didn’t do it for the money, I definitely did it for the principle.
At home, our kids never give us the acknowledgement we deserve. I get more credit for things that my husband does for the girls. They give us “points” at dinner time and I always get more points even though I don’t always cook! We are hardly ever thanked without be prompted for things we do or where we take them. It’s seems like it is the expectation of theirs. When we don’t do these things, it becomes, “I never get/go/have…..” I know I didn’t thank my parents all the time for all the things they did for us, but I know whether it was going out for food, taking us anywhere, or anything that was an extra, there was a “thank you” most of the time. I don’t think we need to go back to the “Yes Sir/Ma’am” era, but our kids need to learn gratitude, a bit more respect, and worth. I feel that parents, including myself, put ourselves behind the curtain with our kids because we fear of their failure. And maybe not so much on how it may impact the child, but how it makes us look and feel.

This becomes more so when our kids hit school age. We all know the parents are behind the curtain so when the child does well it’s obviously because of us! But the parents are still looking for the spotlight. It seems like some parents try to relive their school years through their children. I remember when I helped out along with other parents for an event for the school. The people that pitched in did a lot of work and took time to get things ready and prepared. When the event went well, and people were appreciative, only one person was called out and “especially” thanked! I was not the person that did the most, but there was more than just one person doing the event! Why this was done, I have no idea. And we shouldn’t do things to be “thanked” but if it takes a village, the village gets credit. This is so similar to some work places. The top person that received the work of others and presents it, gets the credit.

Then we come to the sport field. I stepped in to coach my daughter’s tee ball team because they needed more coaches and no one else was stepping up. Thankfully I received an assistant coach, the father of a player on my team. I’ve never coached before but played ball all the way through high school. From the beginning I should have seen the dominance coming. I had to pick up uniforms from a guy that was one of the head people running the program. It was raining, I went up to the car that I assumed this person was in, waved and waiting. He looked at me, looked away, took about a minute and decided to come out to see what I wanted. I told him I was a new coach here to get what I needed for the season. He gave me the uniforms and hats. Did he get me equipment that I needed as well, no, because I didn’t ask! He made me feel that I was being a huge inconvenience to him. We still didn’t have equipment for our first game even after a few emails to the head person. I was told we would have equipment the day of the game. When I arrive, the guy that was suppose to get this for me was too busy doing something else and then sent someone over to tell me I had to share with the team we were playing against. Luckily, I knew the MOM that was coaching that team! We did get our equipment by the second game. I prepare and run the weekly practices. I am at the field at least 20 minutes before we are due to play. I set up the field if needed and I am prepared to start on time. My team is stretched and ready to go. The only thing I have my assistant coach do is pitch to the batters. We underhand at least 5 pitches, if they don’t get a hit we bring out the tee. I catch, get the players lined up to hit, and then place them on the field. At the beginning of the game and at the end, ALL of the teams with male coaches acknowledge my assistant coach, who is male, and say nothing to me except at the end of the game where we all line up and tell each other “Good Game.” Then they shake my assistant coaches hand and tell him good game. Does the assistant coach say anything to set them straight, no. Do I, no. Even during the whole game, my team calls me “COACH!” I am not looking to be thanked for this. My team does thank me, when prompted by their parents.
I should be acknowledged by my peers. Is it because of my double minority? Is it because of their ignorance? Is it because times hasn’t change? It is time to make the change and finally speak up and demand credit. I have no problem correcting my children in public when errors are made, and loudly if needed to be heard. I’m never afraid or ashamed to do this. So why can’t I do this for myself?