When Is It Ever Enough?

Summer break is finally here. Since school no longer keeps our kids occupied, parents need to find things to keep them busy. In my children’s eyes, that means take me-buy me- show me mentality. I am not sure if my dad made this saying up, but it plays in my head over and over and over, and it’s only day 2 of summer break! The questions are, when is it enough? Why isn’t it enough? Why can’t they be satisfied with what is provided for them day in, day out? When do they stop making us cry?
Growing up, I knew we weren’t rich, but we always had enough! If my parents struggled financially, my brother and I never knew it. We asked for things, I know I wanted brand named jeans or the jeans with the holes in them when they came in style, but the answer was no. My brother was more persistent then I was, but I don’t think it was like it is today. My children have the business view, “Don’t take ‘No’ for an answer!” They will ask physically, draw a picture, write you a note asking, and then just whine for it. There are many reasons why the answer is no, impracticality, finances, time, finances, location, and finances. In my opinion, a lot of kids these days have no concept of money. And no matter what you say, they can’t understand why they can’t have what they want. They act like we owe it to them!
I took my girls to the zoo for day one. I didn’t have anything planned but needed to keep them busy. Being the first day, I thought we should do something a little special. This zoo has a small amusement park attached to it as well, that opens at noon. We get to the zoo about 10:30. Immediately they want to go on the rides. I explained it wasn’t open and we were going to the zoo first, then lunch (which I packed) and then the rides. We get in and then it’s my youngest wanting to see the tigers, NOW! I told her we would get to that section when we get there. Then it was they want to ride the camels. “No, it’s extra.” Then they wanted to ride the boats. “No, it’s extra. We are here for the zoo, lunch and then the rides. That’s it.” The next ten minutes was filled with whines of why they can’t do what they want. I kept walking and didn’t answer. We were almost done with the zoo, one section left, and the youngest was hungry. She wanted to eat now. I told her we were almost done, it was only 11:30 at this point. The whining followed us to the final section. We were finally done on our way out and the oldest had a fit for not getting her way with a picture prop! I refused to take the picture and walked away and said we can go home now. The apologizes and tears followed. Empty apologizes because they really aren’t sorry, they just want what they want. We had lunch and went to the rides. I let them choose where they wanted to go and what to ride. I even let them play games. Games that they were certain to win something because I was not going to listen to any more whining of them not getting something.
Time was up, and we had to go. I even let them ride a few rides over again before leaving. Once we started heading to the car, the whining began. They didn’t want to go. Why couldn’t we stay longer? What are we going to do when we get home? Not once did they say, “Thank You.” Not once! Through their complaints while getting into the car, I mentioned this. Then I did receive the thank you. But, it doesn’t count. I told them this and that I always have to ask or remind them of the phrase “thank you.” I shake my head and think why do I bother with any of this? I have to remind myself that I’m going to be disappointed or be disappointing to my children because it’s never enough! We do our best with what we have.
Mind you, this is all the same day, we went to the store to get dinner. I asked the girls what they wanted. Chicken was the answer. I bought some chicken. After putting my youngest down for a small nap, catching up on my work/personal emails, organizing my office a bit, and getting the dishes put away and dirty ones cleaned, I started dinner. I made a traditional Spanish dish with the chicken, white rice (girls love it) and corn. I served everyone, called them to dinner, and then served myself. As I was bringing my dish to the table, my oldest expressed, “Yuck, chicken!” It’s not that she doesn’t like chicken, it wasn’t made like SHE likes it, mainly roasted. I try to make traditional meals from my heritage and what I grew up on, and love. I want to make meals that are NOT from a box or frozen. Yes, there’s more to meals than Mac n Cheese and chicken nuggets! I picked my plate up, stood there for minute because of the fury building inside, then the hurt set in, I ended up putting my plate down at the other table. Was about to sit but couldn’t stand being near her at that moment. I went up stairs to my room and started crying.
Yes, I made my mom cry too when I was growing up. I asked my dad when I started having this affect on my mom. He said mid-teens. Mid-Teens!!! My child is 8! I have enough stress getting new clients for my business, making money to pay our mortgage and other bills, figuring out what and where we can put our kids during the summer while we work. I should have sent her to her room/bed without dinner. But the sheer ungratefulness was too much for me at that moment. To avoid losing it all at that moment, I had to walk away. I do cry when I’m angry, and I was beyond angry, but I was also beyond hurt. We do not raise our children to be this way! We provide for them every day. Where does this mentality come from?
My husband came up to console me and made sure I ate my dinner. He brought up my dinner and closed my door. I am also sure that he made my daughter come up to apologize. She said she was sorry. And it hurt because I know she doesn’t mean it. She only apologizes when she gets in trouble. She apologizes to get her way out of her punishment. She apologizes to get a second change, not because she is truly sorry. The most she is sincere is when she accidently hurts her sister when they are playing. I didn’t look at her when she came in, when she apologized or when she left. Before bed, I read to her sister and when she came up at the last minute to hear the ending to her sister’s story, I refused to read to/with her. She stomped away from the injustice and her dad ended up reading with her. I am also certain, she doesn’t know why I didn’t read to her.
The anger and hurtfulness still lingered this morning. I know I will get over it, until the next time. I know my parents had to do without a lot more than I had to growing up. So, when my children start having children, is the entitlement mentality going to start at 2 years of age? How can we teach our children graciousness and thoughtfulness and, finally, humility in today’s world? During a session that parents of first year children in catechism had to go through with the priest, he showed us something very important. It was a video of children running, laughing, singing, and dancing. They were full of joy. The smiles on their face where so contagious I felt like I wanted to be there with them. They were from a third world country. They were poor, well what we consider poor. No running water, limited food, clothes and education. BUT, they didn’t know that! They were not “going without” because they never had it! They were happy to be alive, with their family, friends and what they had. To this day, I wish I was so lucky. I wish I could explain this to my girls. I wish for the joyfulness of those children to be installed in mine. If only I was so rich.