Behind the Scenes

I feel like I’m Debbie Reyonlds in Singing in the Rain, singing behind the curtain while someone else gets the credit. I can’t seem to find that gap between to break out and no one is pulling back these curtains for me! So many people have the opportunity to pull these strings and reveal “who’s “behind the scenes, but rather keep things for themselves, too lazy to say anything, or even just step aside. Inequality has been all over the pace in today’s world, yesterday’s world, and way back when! I do feel that we are making progress, but fear things will never be “equal.” This is not just between men and women either. I’ve experienced it myself in my career, at home, at school and even on the field!
I’ve worked in the banking industry, construction industry and in general behind the scene accounting/bookkeeping industry. I once tried to purchase a steel company that I worked for over 7 years and was treated unfairly. With the financial downfall we experienced at the of 2008, I was the only “office” person kept because I did the books! I was needed! Because I was needed, special circumstances where made for me to stay. I’m not sure if the boss thought I wasn’t going to return after I had my first child, but he made sure I was able to bring her to work with me to make sure I came in. I did it because it saved LOTS of money! I wanted to make more money and he said I didn’t have a degree, a BA, so I couldn’t seek it. Yet another person who was hired after me, had a BA in something that had nothing to do with his job, and he was given more money. The loop hole here was that I said since he is requiring me to get a BA, he needed to give me further education financing. Which he did. I received my BA in Sociology, which had nothing to do with my current position, and received more money.
Then my boss wanted to retire but didn’t want his company to close. So, since I was hard working and interested in purchasing, he filled my head with all the possibilities of acquiring the company. Because I was a woman, I could get special financing, be higher in my bids due to being a double minority, AND because I was going to bring my father with me. Needless to say, the bank wouldn’t finance the loan because they felt the construction industry wasn’t back in its feet yet. It was back to work as normal.
Then he brought his favorite field employee into the office to help him. He gave him a raise, and realized he needed to give me one to be “fair.” I’m not saying I didn’t deserve it, I was the jack of all trades there, but he wasn’t giving it to me because he felt I deserved it. He gave it me because he felt he had to! Then he gave this employee another raise, within about 6 months. Did he do anything special to deserve it, no, but he was trying to buy a house for himself and his family, so he needed the extra money. Yes, I also got another raise. This employee didn’t have a degree! He didn’t do more work than I did! He didn’t work from home when needed! But he did get the money. We ended up reaching the threshold of salaries at the company, together. Then, I had my second child. Just like the first one, I had my computer with me at the hospital to make sure everything was done. I showed up at the end of January with a newborn to make sure W-2s went out on time and all other tax important reports where done. Then I received the silent treatment after all of this was done. After 8 years of service, I received a three-sentence letter indicating that I no longer had a job even though I was still on maternity leave. After removing the knife, I sued, and he settled out of court. I didn’t do it for the money, I definitely did it for the principle.
At home, our kids never give us the acknowledgement we deserve. I get more credit for things that my husband does for the girls. They give us “points” at dinner time and I always get more points even though I don’t always cook! We are hardly ever thanked without be prompted for things we do or where we take them. It’s seems like it is the expectation of theirs. When we don’t do these things, it becomes, “I never get/go/have…..” I know I didn’t thank my parents all the time for all the things they did for us, but I know whether it was going out for food, taking us anywhere, or anything that was an extra, there was a “thank you” most of the time. I don’t think we need to go back to the “Yes Sir/Ma’am” era, but our kids need to learn gratitude, a bit more respect, and worth. I feel that parents, including myself, put ourselves behind the curtain with our kids because we fear of their failure. And maybe not so much on how it may impact the child, but how it makes us look and feel.

This becomes more so when our kids hit school age. We all know the parents are behind the curtain so when the child does well it’s obviously because of us! But the parents are still looking for the spotlight. It seems like some parents try to relive their school years through their children. I remember when I helped out along with other parents for an event for the school. The people that pitched in did a lot of work and took time to get things ready and prepared. When the event went well, and people were appreciative, only one person was called out and “especially” thanked! I was not the person that did the most, but there was more than just one person doing the event! Why this was done, I have no idea. And we shouldn’t do things to be “thanked” but if it takes a village, the village gets credit. This is so similar to some work places. The top person that received the work of others and presents it, gets the credit.

Then we come to the sport field. I stepped in to coach my daughter’s tee ball team because they needed more coaches and no one else was stepping up. Thankfully I received an assistant coach, the father of a player on my team. I’ve never coached before but played ball all the way through high school. From the beginning I should have seen the dominance coming. I had to pick up uniforms from a guy that was one of the head people running the program. It was raining, I went up to the car that I assumed this person was in, waved and waiting. He looked at me, looked away, took about a minute and decided to come out to see what I wanted. I told him I was a new coach here to get what I needed for the season. He gave me the uniforms and hats. Did he get me equipment that I needed as well, no, because I didn’t ask! He made me feel that I was being a huge inconvenience to him. We still didn’t have equipment for our first game even after a few emails to the head person. I was told we would have equipment the day of the game. When I arrive, the guy that was suppose to get this for me was too busy doing something else and then sent someone over to tell me I had to share with the team we were playing against. Luckily, I knew the MOM that was coaching that team! We did get our equipment by the second game. I prepare and run the weekly practices. I am at the field at least 20 minutes before we are due to play. I set up the field if needed and I am prepared to start on time. My team is stretched and ready to go. The only thing I have my assistant coach do is pitch to the batters. We underhand at least 5 pitches, if they don’t get a hit we bring out the tee. I catch, get the players lined up to hit, and then place them on the field. At the beginning of the game and at the end, ALL of the teams with male coaches acknowledge my assistant coach, who is male, and say nothing to me except at the end of the game where we all line up and tell each other “Good Game.” Then they shake my assistant coaches hand and tell him good game. Does the assistant coach say anything to set them straight, no. Do I, no. Even during the whole game, my team calls me “COACH!” I am not looking to be thanked for this. My team does thank me, when prompted by their parents.
I should be acknowledged by my peers. Is it because of my double minority? Is it because of their ignorance? Is it because times hasn’t change? It is time to make the change and finally speak up and demand credit. I have no problem correcting my children in public when errors are made, and loudly if needed to be heard. I’m never afraid or ashamed to do this. So why can’t I do this for myself?

June 4, 2018 1

“Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child”…I Shouldn’t Have To…

There are so many sayings that accompanies children’s behavior: “Oh, it’s that age,” “Terrible Threes,” “She/he gets it from school/friends,” and “I didn’t act that way.” Then there’s the cause of these sayings: “Why can’t I have it?,” “But so and so has one!,” “I want one just like hers/his!,” and “I WANT…!” I’ve heard almost all of these from my children and said at least one. I am at a point that I don’t know what to do any more in trying to bring up my children to be loving, thankful, respectful and happy children. Yes they can be, but I want them to desire to be this way. Not just to get something in return.

I have a 7 and 3 year old, soon to be 8 and 4 (back to back, and no we did not plan this). Their birthdays are in December. It usually takes us until March of the following year to get them to stop thinking it’s their birthday and Christmas and why they are not getting gifts anymore! My 7 year old is in second grade and my 3 year old is in preschool. We’ve really hit the age appropriate “stages” with our oldest than with our youngest. She didn’t have “terrible twos,” she had “the F’ing threes!” She reverted back to baby talk when her sister was born and went through the jealousy stage of having a baby sibling that was receiving most of the attention that she use to get. AND, she was the first grandchild on both sides! This entry is ALL about my oldest! It’s all about her (as she thinks everything is).

Every since school has started this year, my child has changed, and not for the better. It’s to the point that I am wondering where I went wrong! I’ve had moments of shamefulness, headaches, heartaches, and been completely dumbfounded by her behavior. Even as I type this blog I’m constantly shaking my head and rubbing my forehead! I’m the type of person that will not accept the “it’s the age” reasoning. I don’t care how old she is , we did not and are not raising her this way. The only phrase that comes to my mind is “attitude of entitlement.” Where does this come from? I asked my husband this last night and his answer was “She gets it from school.” Which means friends and basically society. It’s always the easy way out.

I’m so tired of hearing my daughter ask, “Why can’t I have…?” Even when I give her the logically and truthful answer, that does not stop her. I am stubborn myself, but this is ridicules. Quick scenario: We just finished having the girls pictures take and we are on our way home. My oldest had suggested that we go to the store so that all of us can buy something because we haven’t don’t that in a while. We’ve NEVER done that. We’ve gone to Target at times when we’ve all picked out something, but it something that we need; toothpaste and brushes, soap, and occasionally coffee if it’s on sale. I calmly told her no. You know what came next, “Why not?” I explained to her that we don’t need anything and that we don’t go out to just buy something. Besides that point, they had their birthdays coming up and they are having parties. Plus they will get gifts from some friends/family. “But, that’s SO far away!” I will skip the comments I gave her at this point. I finally told her that she could choose, a toy now or her party, plain and simple! Our youngest shouted that she wanted her party! Our oldest sat and pouted and squeezed out a few tears! We didn’t engage her at this point.

You would have thought this would have been the end of it! WRONG! We were coming up to an area she actual knows on the highway, where the shopping mall is! To my surprise she started to calming tell me that she knows that Toys-R-Us is coming up! I take a deep breathe, try to stay calm, and stop rubbing my forehead. I just say, “Yes.” Then she proceeded to tell us that she knows where the items are that goes to her toy airplane that she recently received, and that she needs 7 more little people and accessories for her plane. Again, I just said, “huh.” Then my smiling husband said “And what is your point?” “Can’t we go and buy them.” He found this very funny and laughed, I did not share any humor in this. I gave her that choice one more time, toy or party. There was complaining, pouting and yelling at this point, from me!

Nothing is ever enough! This is how I feel. I also feel that “I never acted this way!” I remember wanted a pair of Levi jeans and my dad saying no because they were too expensive. He gave the answer and that was it! I knew not to beg or complain. Besides knowing better, I’d probably would have been yelled at and possible received a spanking if I went on too much about it. I shouldn’t have to do this! As generations come and go, we should learn from them and not retreat to old ways. I feel that most of generation x, my generation, generally respected our parents, did what we were told, most of the time, and knew if we didn’t there were consequences. It was being grounded or being hit.

Parents in the current generation are told it is wrong to hit and we need to use strategy and our words to get through to our children. I don’t want to revert to hitting! I didn’t like it and it shouldn’t be a necessity. I use my words, a lot. They are not always in a calm, Mr. Rogers’ tone but when it calls for it, it’s yelling. I get their attention and they know I mean business! Again, I DON’T want to yell. I’ve been to parenting classes and have picked up great tips, but realistically, these do not always work! I want my daughters to understand that we don’t need “stuff.” This is not what brings happiness (you’ve all heard it). The amount of stuff that someone gives you does not mean they love you most or that you should love them the most! I just need the greediness, self-centered, and entailment attitude to stop. I did not raise my girls this way. I was not raised this way.

November 8, 2017 1

You’re Never Too Old For Change

Besides wanting to start a blog to have a place for me to speak my mind freely, I never thought that my life would have much change when I turned 40. Usually by this time, people have their career path, family established, and plans for retirement, right? I didn’t think my life was going to change much besides my children getting older. Come to find out, you’re never too old for change!

For most of my professional I have been in finance, first banking and then bookkeeping. I’ve always try to work hard to keep moving on that career ladder. I’ve had many set backs and been knocked down a few rungs on that ladder. This year, I worked hard to advance on this ladder and skip up to those rungs that I’ve been before but to only get to the next rung. I decided to buy my own ladder!

I turn 40 in 3 months and 29 days and I have started my own bookkeeping business. I was very hesitant to do so but after speaking to another bookkeeper, who is a lot younger than me, I thought, “Why not? Why can’t I do this? I have the experience! I have the knowledge! But, do I have the determination?” I believe I do! I am not a sales person and I have a hard time “selling” myself/skill to unfamiliar territories. But, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and have made small steps in getting my name out there and mingling as best as I can. And it always helps to have friends that are out there as well and help you promote yourself!

Why did I leave a steady paycheck, insurance (yet my husband has insurance), and job security, especially at this age? WHY NOT? I can set my schedule to be able to be around for my kids when they need someone. I can choose who I work for, how much I get paid, and do a great job to show what I know. I was getting tired of doing all the leg work, reports, and crunching numbers for other people to get credit! My work speaks for itself!

Funny enough, I’m not the only one with a career change, at a late stage! My mom, 62 years old (sorry mom), retired last month! She took early retirement because being a nurse is hard work and she has worked all of her adult life! She needed a break and she was firm! So, my parents need to sell their house in the FL Keys, because if you are not rich you cannot retire there, and move. Which means that my dad needs to get a job some place else, at 62 years old. He wants to work until full retirement age. Can you imagine looking for a decent job at 62? I know that it’s against the law to discriminate anyone for their age when applying, but you know they are thinking about it! He is a mechanical engineer but hasn’t been in the industry for 20 years! Where is he going to go? What is he going to do? How does he feel?

He applied for at a placement company that had spots at a well established manufacturing company. But, he had to take a test, mostly about mechanics these days. He didn’t want to take it. He didn’t say why but I had a feeling that he wasn’t going to pass it. Defeated before even stepping through those doors! Luckily my mom convinced him to just take the test! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! He did study and passed the test! He was so proud of himself that he couldn’t wait to tell me! And I was so proud, impressed, and grateful that stepped out of his comfort zone to show what he knows and what he can do! He got the job! You are NEVER too old!

July 2, 2017 0

When It’s Not “Okay”

Have you ever been in a situation where saying “I’m Sorry!” isn’t enough or can’t fix a situation? I just had on the other day and it doesn’t sit well with me but it is something I have to deal with. Without going into great detail, I wasn’t doing my job and put someone else’s child is possible danger. How did this happen? I have many excuses but basically I wasn’t doing my job. The anger of the parent wasn’t really what is still upsetting to me, it’s the fact the this child was scared because I wasn’t doing my job properly. As soon as I was aware of the situation I immediately went over to fix my mistake and when I passed this child to his mother she had said “This is NOT ok!” She was right, it wasn’t ok no matter how many times I could say “I’m so sorry!” Despite this, I allowed this mother a few minutes before seeking her out and giving my apologies once again. Was I hoping for that proverbial “It’s ok…,” yes, but I knew it wasn’t going to come. She understood the out of the ordinary circumstances and I wasn’t used to the situation but it still “wasn’t ok.” I told her that she was correct and there was no excuses for what had happened. She did thank me for seeking her out but made it very clear she wasn’t happy. If I was in her shoes, I would have felt the same way. I also apologized to her son and told him that I wasn’t doing my job. I wasn’t doing my best and let my guard down.

As I was driving home, beating myself up, something my daycare provider had said popped into my head. One of my daughter’s friends at daycare had done something to her and had to apologize to her. Once this friend did, my daughter said, “That’s ok.” The daycare provider had told her that no, it wasn’t ok and that she didn’t have to say that. You can either accept the apology or not, but it doesn’t make it ok! How many times have I had said this in response to an apology? MANY! And was it ok, not always, but somehow, somewhere, we are taught to say this. Kids even now expect to hear the “It’s ok.” after they say that they are sorry! My kids sure do! My daughter badgers me with her sorry! If I don’t respond to her it makes her cry and then I feel bad! Well, not any more!

It’s funny how this situation had happened to me this Friday and my oldest had turned around on Saturday to put herself in a relative same spot. She was sick for two days and on Saturday she was feeling much better. She still needed to take it easy and I didn’t let her run amok outside right away. She hadn’t been outside in two days so when her dad said he was going to mow the lawn I told her she could help him out. In her brain she registered she could go outside and help for 5 minutes and then go play with her friend. I called her in and told her that she was not allowed to play with her friend since she is just getting over being sick and she still needed to take it easy. I went to put her sister down for a nap. A few minutes later she came upstairs asking if I could write a note to the neighbor so she can play over there! Maybe I was speaking another language and she didn’t understand what I had just told her. I told her, again, that she is not to go outside and play with her friend! I didn’t want her passing any of her germs off and she needed to TAKE IT EASY! I also clearly said that her friend had better not be inside the house. I walked away. An hour later I went to wake up my sleeping beauty and when I crossed the hall, my oldest was at the bottom of the stairs……with her friend behind her! Controlling myself not to yell since her friend is there, I reminded her of what I said and stated “I’m sorry but your friend needs to go home and you need to stay inside!” I was fuming.

I had to go to the store, so I took my youngest with me to leave and cool down. I also had to return a Redbox video and, of course, I left it on the counter. After the store I went home to grab it quickly and go back out. I was talking to my husband and I hear my oldest off in the distant. It is so awesome that I have sonar hearing!! I’m looking around and look out my window to see her playing at her friend’s house!!! Trying to keep my eyeballs in my head, I told my husband to call her because I was going to break windows if I opened my mouth. As she came across the yard to my car window, in a controlled stern voice, pointing my finger at her, I said “WHAT DID I SAY?” She replied in her most innocent face like she didn’t understand what this meant, “I’m grounded.” “THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT?” Her shrug received, “You are NOT going to the birthday party tomorrow!” You can now imagine her eyes popping out and tears ensued.

I left and came back. As soon as I walked into the door, “Momma…I’m sorry!” I continued on my path, and she repeated, “Momma…I’m really sorry!.” I said “Yup.” and she continued, “I said my sorry….” She was waiting for her “It’s ok.” and that everything is back to normal and she was going to the party. I told her that it wasn’t “ok.” She had defied me not once, but three times! I had already spoke to her friend’s mom to tell her that we would drop her gift off but that we were not attending the party. I also said that if she was truly sorry, she would show me that she is, by listening to what we tell her! That simple. I also continued to tell her, which I know that I’ve had said this to her before, that saying you’re sorry doesn’t fix the problem. I also added in the “make better choices…” and “all you have to do is listen…” and “you are going to start having to deal with the consequences of your actions!” 7 is such a wonderful age!

Are there times when “It’s ok” really is? Yes. My apology to my friend about us not attending the party, that was “ok” for my friend. And she understood. Having a daughter the same age, she knows what I’m talking about. Any true accident is an “It’s ok.” situation. If the accident is caused by neglect, it’s not. I can’t remember where I learned at a young age to say “It’s ok.” I also can’t remember teaching my daughter to say something when being told “I’m sorry.” I know I wanted her to acknowledge the apology but I honestly don’t remember giving her the response. “I’m sorry!”

June 4, 2017 0

Rumor Has It…..

As years pass we hope that things change for the better. Kids growing up these days still deal with social difficulties as kids in the past, but these difficulties intensify as years go on and dealing with them have changed. Children deal with difficulties in learning new things, making friends, keeping those friends, fitting in, staying unique, bullying, not being a bully, and the list goes on and on.

My mom shared a memory with me about a situation that she had to deal with when she was young. She witnessed her sister getting bullied by three other girls. She was out numbered and didn’t know what to do and perhaps felt it’d be worse to fight back. My mom on the other hand didn’t hesitate. She pushed the “head” girl and told them to back off. She pushed the girl hard enough for her to fall backwards into a wall. The other girls took off afraid of the same punishment. My mom took her sister home and did not tell their parents what had happened. Should there have been teachers or monitors out making sure that kids behaved themselves on school ground, perhaps. But even with monitors, eyes cannot be everywhere. Should her parents have been there to pick them up from school instead of walking home? That was the time of latch-key kids.

One time on the bus home, my brother and I were getting off the bus when his nemesis grabbed my brother around his neck and started choking him. These two boys never got along, and I never knew why. My brother’s face was turning red! I slid into the seat behind this boy and knocked his head as hard as I could against the bus window to get him to let go! He let go and my brother and I got off the bus. I was told the next day that this boy was crying after I had done that. Should the bus driver had done something, YES! Did he/she, I can’t remember, no. Was there any more friction on the bus, no. Should my parents have been there to get us off the bus? It would have been nice but we were also latch-key kids.

I spent a day in middle school where I had no friends. A rumor went around saying that I had said something bad about one of my best friends. I didn’t, but this friend got everyone to turn on me. Even my one true best friend turned on me. I felt like crap the whole day. I had no friends, and no one was speaking to me. Even on the bus, a girl harassed me about the whole situation. The next day I spoke to my friend and asked her what this was all about and when I told her that I didn’t and wouldn’t have said it, we were friends again and everyone liked me again! Out of this whole situation, the one thing that did hurt the most was that my true best friend turned on me. What if I didn’t like this girl, did that mean she wasn’t my friend anymore? I had to like who she liked? It obvious struck a nerve because I remember it to this day. Should I have told my parents, at least my mom, about this? Yes, I think it would have felt good to do so. I’m not sure why I didn’t. She may have been in school or work at the time and my dad was the one home with us. Dad wasn’t the sensitive type for these conversations.

My oldest is in first grade. She is dealing with small bully issues and friends issues already. I don’t remember having to deal with much of any of these issues until around fourth grade. She has told me about someone in her class being a bully to other kids and sometimes her. She has also told me about one of her friends telling her they weren’t friends anymore because she wouldn’t do/give her what she wanted. She has even gotten off the bus crying because no one would sit with her. I felt I gave her the typical answer, but also what was true in my heart. I told her that it’s “their” loss if they don’t want to sit with you or be her friend. That if you show them your weakness, crying, then they will know how to hurt you! I told her that next time if no one wants to sit with her, shrug it off (because they will be sitting together the next day) and take out her trusty notebook that she always has and draw. She loves to draw. I told her that I would LOVE to receive a drawing from her when she got off the bus and that it would make my day. Since then, there hasn’t been an issue. I wanted to give her an outlet. Something to absorb those frustrations.

From my mother’s childhood and mine, these were pretty brutal offenses we had to deal with and retaliate in kind. Yet, the situation was handled and more or less done with. This is not acceptable anymore. I feel that because they are not, we are seeing more and more harsher retaliations and devastating end results. Things are handled with “talk” and not enough action, in my opinion. It’s harder for adults to pay attention to their surrounds without having their phone in their hand or in their face. I’ve always said that we need to disconnect to connect! I’ve seen too many people on their phones while supposedly spending time with their kids. At times, I even catch myself doing it. But I am glad that I can and do catch myself and correct it.

The latest rumor/advisory going around these days is a series on Netflix called 13 Reasons Why. We have received emails from school about it and it has also been in the local paper. Parents need to talk to their children about suicide and either watch the show with them or don’t allow them to see it because it “glorifies” suicide. Since my children are not old enough to watch these shows/movies anyways, I was curious on my own. So I watched it, intensely. I beg to differ with these opinions. It doesn’t glorify suicide, it gives possible scenarios that kids, mostly teens, might go through in school. It is a bit far fetch by thinking that all of the 13 experiences would happen to just one person, but just one of those alone could truly have an impact on a young person. Most of the experiences were based on rumors! Just one rumor can have a deep affect on someone, just one. The rumor can change a person’s life completely, or be a memory, a life long memory, see above to my rumor (that took place in 7th grade, 1990).

I feel that society loves to blow things out of proportion and the need of the “helicopter parents” call signal is always shinning in the sky. Yes, we do need to pay attention to what is going on in our children’s lives. We need to respond in a timely manner and in a kind manner. Yelling at our kids for not speaking up or saying something will make them never come to you again with a problem. Spoiler alert! If you watched 13 Reasons Why, her final reason was because she was asking for help, straight out, from the guidance counselor and he wasn’t paying attention to her cry for help. She told herself that if he would reach out to her and help her she wouldn’t kill herself. Instead, his cell phone kept ringing and his mind was on that phone and not on her even though he kept ignoring the call. He wasn’t ignoring the call, he was ignoring her! We need face time with our kids not FaceTime.

May 29, 2017 1

Everyone But You!

I am sure most people have stereotyped one group of people as the same at one point in their life. I feel I’ve done this as a teen and possible a young adult. But I thought the older you get, the wiser you are, right? Not as much as you think, or as I thought!

I have the opportunity to sit in a waiting room once a week while my daughter has her dance lesson. I also have the privilege to sit with a variety of personalities! I would assume some share my feeling of annoyance of the conversations that are carried on in there with other parents that are waiting. Some are smart enough to leave and sit in their car and wait until the 45 minutes are up! I just wish my youngest would sit nicely in the car, hence I endure the torture of listening to these idiotic topics that I can’t believe a grown person would utter, in their “outside” voice!

The topic was “How all people who live in the south are stupid and slow.” You have three moms having this conversation. I would guess that their ages are in the 30’s. Once I heard this comment, I am glad that they couldn’t see my face and shaking of my head behind my paper! I find current affairs in the Herald more relevant to my life at this moment. “I was telling him my order and he said I was talking too fast! So I had to repeat myself much slower!” She then proceeded to demonstrate how much slower she had to speak. The person wasn’t “dumb” she probably was going too fast to get her order in. So in return this personal was talked to like they were a 2 year old while she enunciated every syllable. Hopefully she said her “r”s because everyone from New England drops them, right?

Then it went on about how the twang in southerner’s speech makes them sound so stupid. Have you heard the Big Apple commercial on the radio where there’s a man with a heavy Maine accent? Judging by that, everyone from Maine has a very heavy accent that sounds like they are hillbillies and they need to get all their necessities at a convenient store, right? Did that assumption come out of an actual grown person? It did! I remember one time going to Mexico. My Spanish is ok and I am Hispanic. So, since I am Hispanic I must know how to speak Spanish, right? I went into a store looking to buy souvenirs. The clerk asked me something but they had said it too fast. I told him that I understand more than I can speak and if he could repeat himself but just a bit slower. Then he continued to talk to me as if I was a small child! I smiled, thanked him politely, and took my business elsewhere. Ignorance will get you in trouble, or no sales.

Well, these ladies continued their conversation in ignorance. A man had come back in to wait the last 5 minutes or so until class was over. In the corner of my eye I saw him smirking as the conversation continued, and as I continued to shake my head. I’m pretty good at being able to drown out most noise around me, but also having to pay attention to my youngest, it’s very hard to in there. Finally, I think an actual light bulb went off in one of their heads because she said, “I hope no one here is from the south!” Then the gentleman smiled and said “I’m from Mississippi.” If you listen to him closely, or just pay attention, you can hear a slight southern accent in his voice. I smiled, all behind my paper even though I so wanted to see the look on her face when he said that! She continued to say, “Well, you don’t have a heavy accent. Where in Mississippi?” I can’t remember where he said. Then she went on to say that they weren’t in that area and that must not be the WAY south. She told him where they were and he said it was about 10 miles from where he was from. This was getting better and better. She continued to dance around the subject with him and the other ladies. I can’t remember what the final remark was from her but I turned to him and said, “Well, everybody but you.” and smiled broadly and shook my head.

This made me think about how often does this social faux pas happens. I was relaying this situation with a friend of mine and she stated that it had happened to her recently. Some ladies were making a generalization on the type of people that shop at Walmart. The people that shop there are low class, no class type of people. Come on, everyone has seen the website, “People of Walmart,” right? That is who shops there!! Now, these were educated women stating this. This friend of mine shops at Walmart. And it made me smile so that she said she stated this fact straight to them and told them why! The posse in me wanted to be there and stand up and say, “Take That!” Probably with choice words at the end! I don’t shop at Walmart generally because of different reasons. I took a sociology class that was based on the Walmart company and how it functions. It had nothing to do with the people that shop there. But do I go there when I have birthday party after birthday party or even a fiesta that I’m throwing, yes!

Always live by this rule of thumb, assuming always makes an ass out of you! But not necessarily “me”. I’m always telling my girls to stop and think before you do or say something. I think some adults need a refresher on this course as well. Assumption has this country all out of sorts even in world wide news. And it’s not just now, it’s in our history. I’m a 39 year old, Mexican/Puerto Rican, Accountant that lives in Maine. I’m training for my first marathon, I don’t speak/understand fluent Spanish, I do love rice and beans, I hate mole (the dish not the animal), I have a BA in sociology but love math, and I’m from the Chicago area (never in a gang or shot a gun). Are there any other assumptions?

May 7, 2017 0